Dana’s daily quota

A friend told me once about a study she’d read. The study stated that men (on average) had to speak at least 500 words a day to remain happy. Whereas women (on average) had to use at least 5,000 to remain happy. I admit I never looked up this study to verify its validity. She would often look at our boss when he told her to get to work and point out she was just trying to hit her quota before she went home.  Wether valid or not, sometimes I think I agree. With the exception of my brother and boyfriend who’s daily quota is somewhere in the 10k range ;p

As for myself, I don’t think I have a quota…so much as a time frame. And when no one is around to talk to, our no one is listening during that time frame, I get antsy. Not that I have anything to talk about, I would just like to know that -at least for a few minutes- someone is actually paying attention to what I say so I don’t feel quite as unimportant.

I find myself thinking of a lost friend this morning. I’ve found myself thinking about him quite a bit. His birthday was last week. He would have been 30. The last time I’d seen his smiling face alive, was about 7 years ago. I was pregnant and we ran into each other by chance. We’d lost track of each other again. I’d finally found him on facebook. Ahh facebook. Keeping everyone connected at a distance.

I had a dream about him two years ago. We were in a dark room… Or more, it was just blackness except for a few candles. We were sitting around, talking, catching up. He was sad, but upon waking, I didn’t know why. 2 days later I received a call from my best friend. He had killed himself the night I’d dreamt of him… His birthday.

Immediately after, I had 2 other friends do one of those attempted suicide things. One was a cry for attention, the other was to get her girlfriend to come back to her. I haven’t spoken to either if them since. People say suicides are weak, but Just was anything but weak. He didn’t pine for attention our ask for help, he held it all in with a smile on his face until he could take it no more. So to see these other 2 try and use something as final as death to get what they wanted… I couldn’t stand it. It was selfish and pathetic, and ultimately backfired.

Sorry, like I said, I’d been thinking of him lately because I miss him. It makes me miss all my friends i don’t see on a regular basis, and the ones I never hear from. So even if you never read this, I fill this message with all my heart. I love you, and miss you. And I hope you’re well.

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