I am so tired today. and I’m realizing very quickly I am not a suitable care giver.
So my mom is not in good health. When shes in control of all of her mental faculties, shes very independent and determined to do things herself. This was all fine and dandy until she just came home this last time. She can barely walk and is relatively dependent on care. However she refuses to ask for our admit to the help she needs. Which just makes things worse.
She fell yesterday. Landed on her butt and was complaining about her tail bone hurting. I kept asking her, do you want to go to the hospital, what do you want to do, cause I’m not giving you anymore than 3 advil. She’s on dialysis, and medicines stick around in her system, even if the effects have worn off. She doesn’t understand this.
So, no, no, no… Until 9:30 rolls around… My son is in bed, animals fed and I’m just settling in to start writing. 2 paragraphs in… She calls my name. I just can’t lay down… I can’t sit up…I’m out of my sleeping medicine… I need to go to the hospital- I think my tail bone is broken.
Fine… Let’s go. I have to be sure to tell each nurse and physician that shes on dialysis that she can’t have anything too strong. I try writing from my phone… But the hospital was cold, and I was so tired, and we had to move from spot to spot. I gave up for the night. She had only bruised her butt, despite the fuss she was giving, and the doctor that helped us, saw in my eyes… She only wants pain pills. Shes not hurting that bad.
They prescribe her some vicodin… Which as any of you know, is strong tylenol, and we get out of there… At 2am… But they have her something, so her brain told her she could sleep like a baby now. I on the other hand, was overly tired, stressed, irritated… And the little bit of sleep I did get, was interrupted constantly by the weirdest dreams.
Needless to say I’m a bit grumpy. And I’m trying not to say anything today so I can calm down. Because if I bring it up to talk to her about it today, I’m just going to yell at her about it. Being a mom is different than being a care giver-so don’t ever think that just cause you’re a good mom, you could handle taking care of another adult.
Kids are guileless, they tell you what they need, because they actually need it. Adults have hidden agendas, they’re stubborn and difficult. They only ask for help when they’ve failed, thus making it an emergency. I shouldn’t speak… If I make it to that point, I’ll be the same way… But it’s exhausting and frustrating… And I don’t know if I can do it.
And if I can’t? How then do I tell her? I guess I should start practicing. Prepare myself for what to say and how to say it.