Roll for endurance

It’s going so SLOW. This next bit however should fly. I’m only editing a bit of dialogue. All of the action scenes are remaining the same. 

I just finished my last smut scene. I was talking to my friend Nikki explaining how writing smut is nerve wracking. You want it to be hot and erotic, while at the same time remaining tasteful. It’s difficult to toe that line. I had to completely redo the entire day, which worked out for the best. I definitely like things better this way. My characters are no longer acting like children and there’s some definite growth present. 

I didn’t get much done today, but it was a well deserved break. We went over to our friend’s house and I played my first game of Dungeons and Dragons. We’re taking a reprieve from Dresden while the Ren Fair is in town. Our one friend is working one of the pubs there and can’t join us. He’s the next GM for Dresden though. It was a fun day, and my character rocks! She’s a human, rogue/thief. A street urchin child that’s great at backstabbing. 

Every time a game comes along, I sit there and consider, can I make Nicholai with these game mechanics. I pour over the information and in the end discover no – I cannot. I don’t know if this means that I have made him such a powerful character in the book that he’s unrealistic, or if my world just hasn’t found the correct game system to support it. One day people – one day this universe will be so big that people will be clamoring for a game system, and media, and creative license. 

Hey, if you’re going to dream, dream big.



We interrupt this evenings writing…

Well, I was supposed to have an entire day to myself to be able to sit down and write. This only half way worked out. My mother was released from the hospital last night, instead of this afternoon. Which is good, but really threw a wrench in the whole day. So I didn’t get to really sit down and start working until two, then I had to go get her, then make dinner, and so on and so forth. 

The changes are coming along great. I somehow had written entire sections where my characters were acting like obstinate children. Fixing that has worked pretty well. I have surpassed the 350 page mark, and I still have a few new things to add. I’ll have hit my 150k word goal by the time I quit tonight as well. Anything after that point is just bonus. 

My eyes hurt. The glasses aren’t really helping. What I really need is some long, undisturbed sleep. What a laughable idea. Oh well. It’ll come soon… I’m almost done. 

Fabricating Time

I wish we could create more time in a day. To provide ourselves with all the time we need to accomplish the things we want. You mean I only have 15 minutes to make this phone call that I know will take at least 45, let me fix that! You mean I can’t stay up all night writing because I have to get SOME sleep? Allow me to just throw those sleep hours in afterward. 

Actually, I would throw those writing hours in early in the morning. For some reason I’m more creative in the morning. I think my brain hasn’t had the opportunity to fry out yet. Because by the time I get home and cook and settled and everything else… I’m hearing flat lines. Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop.

Decaf coffee and really loud music help, but not just any music. Sometimes I have to look for different music, new stuff. For the most part, it has to be something that I can envision a scene set to. Quick paced beat with great crescendos are perfect to imagine with a fight scene. Bob and weave along with the melody as if I can feel the fight raging on. That’s the easiest one to find, and once I start seeing things like that – the rest starts to flow. 

In other news – WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE GETTING MARRIED!?! What is wrong with you people!?! -ahem- Sorry. It’s like EVERYONE I know is suddenly rushing out to tie the knot. Some have been long lasting relationships, others… well not so much. And here I sit, stubbornly crossing my arms beneath my bosoms and saying – NO! Not happening skippy – not till I’m certain. Because I do believe you can be certain about someone. If you’re not, you’re always going to have one foot out the door, ready to run. 

Then there are those I just want to grab up by the arms and shake them while yelling “They’re never going to change why torture yourself?” Who am I to talk? I can sympathize. Well whatever you choose in your life, to get married, to move on, to find happiness in yourself – the best of luck to you. 

Back to blank

So I’m sitting here, regretting that I’ve let this blog fall to the wayside. Okay, I realize I had a nice burst of posts when I started, and realistically, I haven’t ACTUALLY fallen that behind. I was trying to figure out the purpose of this blog the other day. And in the end, it’s just to help me voice my ramblings. To help alleviate some of the noise in my head so I can focus. Except… I’ve been focusing. So in a since, it’s more than served its purpose, and therefore doesn’t require a constant update. 

Writing has been slow going. I’ve hit the part of the book that is really only at a first draft level, so it needs  a lot of work and rewrite. And I’m SO tired of having limited time. What I wouldn’t GIVE to be able to make THIS my full time job. To be able to get up in the morning with a cup of coffee and sit down at the computer, pounding out page after page. 

I’ve actually done a bit of research. Research is my bane… but Nik pointed out that I can’t write “science” fiction without at least a little “science” backing. Blah blah blah… Ssshhh… don’t tell her she’s right, I’ll never hear the end of it. Unfortunately, I’m no GOOD at research. So I’m having difficulty finding the information I need to back up my global deterioration. I’ve put off further research till a time that my head doesn’t feel like it might pop. I can always change details later, it won’t effect the outcome of the story. 

Have you ever sat down and wondered why you keep trying? Keep fighting the same old battles? Mind you, I can only obsess over one thing at a time. Right now that happens to be the book, since I can’t seem to do anything about any of my other problems.

Don’t have the money for a new car yet, obviously can’t get up to NC till I get a car – oh, and money. My relationship has fallen into a stagnate puddle, I’m tired of asking and getting nothing in return. So what do we do about these?

Bury my head in the sand – er computer, and write. Smart? Nah… effective – sometimes. At least I’m accomplishing something. You feel a lot less useless watching those numbers tick off, moving down page after page.

Okay, back to more writing. All I wanted to do today was sit down and write, and now I’m sitting at the computer… and I’m back to blank. It’s a slow part, but I need to keep pushing, keep writing. My pillow is calling to me and I have to ignore it’s seductive whispers. I’d only regret it in the morning.  

Yay Stew!

What a day. It feels so good to sit down. I got up this morning and made breakfast. I was just getting ready to sit down to write a bit when I get a call from the property about a water leak. This water leak lasted ALL day. Gotta love depending on a third party for repairs.

I took mom to dialysis and then had to go get all the rest of the stuff for Ethan’s party. Got home cleaned and made cake. CAKE! I had to make 2 because the first one stuck to the pan. During all this, I put some Guinness stew on. My first time making it and it turned out amazing! See look. Here’s the recipe link. – Loz’s Guinness Stew

Once I get back home, time to write a bit. I’ll ice the cake in the morning. Just can’t handle it tonight. I actually laid down and passed out for twenty minutes – oops. I don’t know why I’m posting this. Oh well – go make Guinness Stew, it was amazing.

Alright, where’s my time turner?

I promise I haven’t vanished or given up on this blog. This week has just been SO crazy busy. So last Friday I went to the drag show. 

Saturday was my friend’s wedding, Took my son to the fair Friday Night. Saturday was my friend’s wedding. Sunday we visited our other friends to finish up our game of Dresden. Monday night we went out to dinner for my son’s birthday. Tuesday was pretty quiet, Wednesday night we drove out and did a butt ton of shopping for groceries and stuff. Thursday we went to go see Zombies in love for Valentines day (Warm Bodies – Go see IT!) Fuck yeah! And tonight… I just transplanted my garden, made dinner, ran to the store, finished reading book 3 of A Series of Unfortunate Events to my son and JUST sat down at my computer. O.O 

Fear not my friends, the reason the blog has fallen slightly by the wayside, is because the book has not. Every spare moment I can escape, I have been editing. Oh the things I have come up with. I have solutions that I never had before and enough material to work in to EASILY gain the 10k more words I’m shooting for. I’m so excited! 

Ahem – 

So here’s a bit of what I’ve got. I had to take out 2 sentences for spoilers.:


“They’ll stick a Paladin in front of a four person table over an accident, but only assign two for the theft of a religious item. There seems something innately wrong with that,” he replied. Josephine tittered a laugh and nodded her silent agreement.

“Then yes, I can help you. I just wanted to make sure Masory wasn’t on your Tribunal. I wouldn’t be much help for you then,” he said rising from his seat. “Did we get the statue back?” he asked as they made their way to the elevator.

“No, we’re still looking for it. We think it was sold, but he won’t divulge the buyer. The deposit into his account was pushed through so many phony’s that we couldn’t trace it back,” she admitted. “If we can’t get into his head, then the statue remains lost.”

“We’ll see about that,” Nicholai told her, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She turned and smiled up at him, stepping out of the elevator as the door opened. She wore a straight lined skirt that stopped just below her knee with a ruffled blouse beneath her Apocrisiary vest. Hair tied in a tight bun, kept with a pair of long decorative sticks. Nicholai caught himself watching her backside as she lead the way. He straightened and forced his attention where it should be as they approached at the holding area’s doors.

A young Paladin stopped them to get their information. Josephine told the Paladin which cell they were going to. The doors were opened, allowing the two Apocrisiary entrance. The ceiling was low and the room shimmered in yellow. There were no walls per say, instead just transparent energy dividers to each cell. The cells were numbered on the floor, just outside the line of the cell.

Each Apocrisiary, Paladin and Daduchos had their biometrics loaded into the system, allowing them to pass through the barriers harmlessly. If a prisoner attempted to pass through however, they would receive a high voltage shock to their system. There was no privacy, there were no conveniences. Nothing but the bright yellow jumpsuit they were forced to wear, a single cot, a commode, and a free standing sink. He shook off the thoughts as Josephine led the way to the suspect’s cell.

“Here we go,” Josephine said, stopping at last. Nicholai glanced into the cell. An average looking man was sitting on the cot, in the familiar yellow jumpsuit. He looked upset and uncomfortable as the Apocrisiarii stopped. “Hello again Uthor.”

The man didn’t reply to Josephine, only frowned and looked away. Their presence attracted the attention of the other prisoners and many of them turned to watch through their own barriers.

“This is Apocrisiary Goodson and he’s here to give me a hand,” Josephine said, stepping through the barrier with Nicholai beside her. Again, there was no response from Uthor. He’d finally decided to stop talking. Nicholai crossed the small cell, barely large enough to pace in.

He sat on his heels in front of the cot, taking mental stock of the plain looking man. Josephine hadn’t been kidding when she said the man’s shields were strong. It was rare to find a civilian with powerful psychism. If all he possessed however was the ability to throw up impressive shielding, then he’d excel in something like stocks or information brokerage.

“Uthor, I can tell you now. You don’t want me in your head. It’s not a pleasant experience having your mental shields forcibly taken down. So I’m going to give you one chance to tell Apocrisiary Cortiz the truth,” he told the man. The man turned to look at Nicholai. He had dull blue eyes and dirty blonde hair, stubble visible along his jaw.

“I’m telling the truth. Besides, no one has ever gotten through my shields, including you Daduchos,” the man replied, arrogance thick in his voice. Josephine frowned and shook her head. Nicholai nodded and turned back to the man.

“You see, Apocrisiary Cortiz here has an extremely rare gift. She can see the truth – or rather, see your lies. It’s an ability that the Hierophant himself cannot counter. Unfortunately, you just lost your only chance to cooperate,” Nicholai told him as he stood. He caught the slightest glimpse of worry in the man’s eyes when he glanced back over at Josephine.

“I don’t have to cooperate at all,” the man said jumping to his feet and diving at Nicholai. Nicholai had caught the sudden flurry of desperation in the man’s emotions and stepped nimbly out of the way, placing himself between the man and Josephine. Two broad steps by the long legged Apocrisiarii and they were beyond the barrier. The man had turned, but halted before running into the barrier himself.

Nicholai frowned at the man, eyes narrowed and fists clenched. He glanced over his shoulder at Josephine. “Get a Paladin, I cannot touch him myself,” he told her. Josephine glanced back at the man and nodded.

During a normal investigation, an Apocrisiary would be allowed to defend themselves, or force a suspect into cooperation as needed. Josephine didn’t ask questions, being privy to his situation. The Paladins he’d been forced to use however, were not. He had to swallow his pride and accept whatever rumors circulated about the Apocrisiary that wouldn’t lay a hand on a suspect.

Josephine returned a moment later with one of the broad guards.

“You surprise me Uthor, you’d been amicable earlier today,” Josephine said as the Paladin stepped in through the barrier. The man backed away toward his cot as the young man grabbed him up by the arm and pulled him into an arm lock from behind. The man pulled and struggled, but the Paladin held tight.

“It’s because he just realized how desperate his situation really is,” Nicholai told Josephine. “He didn’t realize your ability. He thought you’d been trying to break through his shields this whole time and just failed.” Josephine looked between the two men as Nicholai stepped into the cell and stopped before Uthor.

The man lunged forward again, but the Paladin held fast with a grunt.

“Thank you,” Nicholai told him as he placed the fingers of one hand against Uthor’s temple.

“He was telling the truth about the Daduchos,” Josephine added. “He’d been picked up before but with no evidence. No one could break him down so he was released.”

“Such a shame I wasn’t around. This happens to be a specialty of mine,” Nicholai mused. The man sneered at Nicholai and spit. He’d been expecting that as well, moving just to the man’s side. The Paladin pulled backwards on the man’s arms and he let out a breathless cry of pain. Nicholai closed his eyes and looked into the man’s mind. He didn’t push – not yet. He studied how Uthor had built the shields, where he drew his power from, and exactly what areas he was blocking.

Nicholai opened his eyes and nodded.

“I admit I’m impressed. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a person’s mental shields as strong as yours. You’ve got a lot of energy pumping through them. Are you sure you want me to rip them down?” Nicholai asked, letting the man get confident in his ability to resist.

“I’m not afraid of you,” the man snapped.

“Have it your way,” Nicholai said, closing his eyes once more. He didn’t particularly want to push through the man’s blocks. He knew from experience something as tightly formed as these would be painful. If what Josephine said was correct though, chances of one of the Daduchos breaking through were slim.

He focused on the weak link in the man’s mind and struck.

so slooow….

I am currently editing page 165 of 328. My eyes are so tired, though thankfully my back isn’t hurting anymore. I broke down and popped a muscle relaxer for it. So 165, and I’m just getting up to the newer stuff. The stuff I’d added into the third draft. All of the stuff that my friend Nikki hadn’t read yet. Just as I thought, I’m holding steady at my word count. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I can work in another 10k, but I won’t be heartbroken if I can’t. It’ll be a decent sized book regardless. 

I got a scene written for the next book. It came to me today at work. There stands Nicholai, his first time in space, on deck surrounded by half a dozen aliens. If anyone has ever been removed from their comfort zone – it was him, in that moment, trying to convince the group to commit treason. I love my rebel rousing Nicholai. You’d think I’d fall in love with a character that’s more my type, but from the moment I started writing, he took on a life of his own. 

I never expected that he would somehow become the center, not just for my current series, but an anchor for everything else we’re working on. I just hope everyone else enjoys him as much as we do.