What I was fighting for…

So imagine it for a minute. Just the two of us, sitting on the front porch of our perfectly sized little house, old and grumpy, recounting the days (all of them Wednesdays of course). All three kids are visiting, grandkids playing in the yard, trying to ride the dogs like ponies. We started small once we moved… Just the three of us at the time. You loved your new job – primarily the newness. You felt accomplished because of catching onto the learning curve. I worked, I wrote… we’d either spend the evenings sitting around a bonfire out back or driving up on the parkway looking at the stars. It wasn’t long before I was pregnant. The change of scenery and pace was just what we needed to get back on track. To find a place where we could start fresh. I published a book, then a couple. We were able to both drop down to part time. We started making things with our extra time, selling them in art shows around the area. We made a few friends that LOVED going camping or kayaking. Fishing in the creeks with us or sitting around with games. Long time friends come and go, staying with us on vacation. Along came baby two, with the Boy in high school. We must be crazy… but we were happy, and we had each other. Another couple of books done. We buy a house down in Florida – and awesome little one on Davis Island. We make sure to be in town around January every year. We watch the children grow in our perfect little house peppered with geekery in all of the nooks and crannies. It’s just the right size, and we’ve already been there for years. The longest either of us could remember having a real home… to finally not just have roots… but a strong family. We still always agreed on everything… except what to have for dinner.

It isn’t just you I’m having to let go of… it’s everything I’d been praying for. It’s everything I knew would happen from the moment we met…. I asked myself why I let this go on so long… but that’s why. I wasn’t ready to let that dream die yet. But I held on too long… and now we’re both shattered beyond recognition. Why can’t you just wake up tomorrow, put your foot down and say “It’s going to be different!” You and the dream were a package deal… I knew that from the beginning… If I knew then, what I know now… I’d have still driven an hour to see you that first night.