But… but…. but wait! I’m not supposed to just sit here staring at the screen blankly. The words are supposed to mean something. They’re supposed to fit together like puzzle pieces. I have the picture this time to go off of and everything… But the more I read, the louder the background noise in my head gets. The less I comprehend and the more frustrated I get.
I suppose that I hadn’t counted on just how much of the story changed. The outcome is all the same, minimal changes to the future books… but this one. After writing it out so many times… I’m faced with doing it once more. I pray it’s only once more. One last rewrite and some polishing… The outline is all there. Every single section within every single chapter… all spelled out.
Yet I feel like something is missing.
We all had a stressful weekend. First being worried for our friend who was put into the hospital and had to deliver her son a few weeks early. They’re both doing absolutely amazing though. Then my poor old dog Chloe ended up with an abscess on her posterior. In the process of carrying her around to get her to use the bathroom, I mis-stepped and landed hard enough on my knee to hurt the patellar tendon. Fingers crossed that’s ALL it is and that it’s not broken. Time will tell on that one. I’ve got a baby shower to plan for, packing to do, a house to clean…
So of course my brain has checked out at the moment. It kind of goes back to the old thing. Do you write for the sake of writing? It’s forced and disjointed, which just means you’ll end up having to redo it anyway.
I dare not take time off again to try and write. Every time I try this it backfires on me miserably. I’d rather just force myself to sit down. Maybe get back to scheduling. These days between these hours I will be unavailable.