Enjoying the little things

Are we cogs in a machine? Threads on a loom? Or are we really creatures of complete free will guided by nothing? 

No matter what your belief, or theory, or faith… we are here. And things happen out of our control or desire.  What we can control however, is how we manage these. 

I prefer to savor the good moments. A few seconds holding the hand of someone I love. Randomly playing in a pile of fallen leaves. Or sitting on the front porch, drinking coffee and watching the sunrays dance across the dew on a spider web across the yard. 

I have my dark moments. When the magnificent shadow smothers me to the point I can’t breathe… sometimes it takes just that glimpse of brightness to remember that I’m stronger than the shadow. 

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Seeing the future

I’m sitting next to Rainbow river in the great smokies right this minute. I’m still in ACE, taking my lunch. It’s August, and the eclipse was yesterday… but I’m writing out blogs for September. 

I shuffle scheduling around when I need to… if something interesting happens. But for the most part, I have prescheduled my blog posts for the last year. It makes my life simpler and hopefully provides you with a modicum of entertainment. 

By the way… I forgot to pack my apple today. 😦

I cannot tell you how my time in ACE was. I am not a fortune teller… allow me to rephrase that for those who know me. I am not a paid fortune teller and my tarot deck is still down I  Florida. 

Speaking of tarot cards… I wish I had the money to buy a deck for someone. What I am thinking though is having Terry mail me my unused deck. They never worked right for me… and I always felt your first deck should be given as a gift.  A friend of mine, one of the few I’ve made since joining ace, is showing interest in the art.  It would be a nice parting gift I feel. 

Maybe I’ll even have him mail up my own. With a little practice, maybe I COULD get paid for out. I always lacked the confidence to read for other people, but I don’t know why. I read for myself well enough. 

You know what they say…

Practice makes better. 

Foggy fall day

Winding down after a couple of weeks of nothing. Getting ready to dive back into the real world. So after class today, Ethan and I went up to the park. I played around with my watercolor pencils while he ran around like a madman. 

It’s fun and relaxing. They’ll never win any awards, but I like painting mountains. 

Method

There is at least a method to my madness sometimes. 

I wear trail runners to hike in so that when my feet get wet, they dry quickly and I’m not uncomfortable. 

I buy cheap sunglasses because the universe has decided I’m not meant to own a pair. Granted to lose 2 pair to the same little creek is annoying regardless. 

I speak to bees sweetly. For the most part they buzz on and mind their own business. This has served me well considering I’ve only been stung once in my life and that was because one got caught in my pants. Don’t ask, it’s the sort of stupid thing only I could have managed. 

I dream big, because the prospect of losing my imagination is terrifying. 

Pleasant surprises

The universe has a way of teaching us lessons that we never expected to learn. People have a way of surprising you. I used to believe I was really good at reading people. Turns out, I’m not perfect.  Turns out, even I can be wrong. Big surprise, but no one tell Terry that I said that. 

Some of you know, and some of you don’t, but Terry and I are in a poly-amorous marriage. We’ve had an open relationship off and on for about 5 years. The problems we’ve faced have been mainly from a couple of mistakes, miscommunication and ego. Mostly my ego, but I really can admit my faults. 

I inform you of this only to really set the scene… And because to hell with it. I’m not ashamed of our choices. If more people opened up about things like this, poly and open marriages wouldn’t be frowned upon so much. There wouldn’t be so many misconceptions about it. The idea that any 2 people are so perfectly suited to each other or that they will COMPLETELY fulfill every need is laughable at best.  Ask the couples that have been together for 40 years or more. Was their relationship easy? No. They fought and argued and compromised and had to give up a lot to make it work. 

But some things shouldn’t HAVE to be sacrificed. Like your desire to fall in love. Intimacy. New beginnings. Fetishes. Stupid movies. Coddling. Cuddling. Game night. Empathy. 

Every relationship shouldn’t have to be scrutinized with jealousy or suspicion. Be open with each other. Meet the other people. One big happy family, right? 

Segue finished. 

I learned humility recently. Sure I’ve had my fair share of embarrassment and let downs. But it’s good to be knocked down a peg or two because we forget. I don’t regret asking, but I did gage everything wrong. More than anything I was worried I wouldn’t see this person again. Friend or more, I was hoping to prevent that. Now it seems though that fate is for the best.

The weekend before, someone I barely spoke to, started to open up. He turned out to be smart and funny and easy going. I told him what happened that afternoon just to make idle conservation. I didn’t expect him to get close, but we did, and had a fun night. He turned out to be a wonderful person. 

So maybe I haven’t lost my touch in judging people. Maybe just judging the situations and circumstances. Judging people’s reactions to things. We meet so many new people, it’s impossible to know them all, to win them all, or even have all of them like you.  Just don’t be upset when you’re wrong. It’s no one’s fault. 

Denim the fox

I by no means am overly skilled when it comes to hand sewing. So I put off Ethan’s denim upcycling project as long as I could. 

I finally buckled down and drew out a simple pattern, got to cutting and then sewing. The finished product is the derpiest little fox ever, but it’s ready to give to my boy when he gets here.