Bring on the sun

I wasn’t expecting you. I saw you immediately. I think I was sitting I  the dining room, still wide eyed and out of my depth. But I watched every move you made, I couldn’t look away. It was almost like I knew you, but I didn’t even know your name. 

What I did know, was that you were hurting and you wanted to be left the fuck alone. I didn’t know why, but I could feel it. The anguish that rolled off of you was palpable, and I was already struggling. 

So I kept my distance. 

I discovered who you were shortly after. You spent most of your time on the front porch with a cigarette and a book. 

So I kept my distance. 

I avoided approaching you at all costs. There were other people I could get to answer questions, and in time I became one of the people answering questions for others. You’d been gone on hitch after hitch. And when you returned, I  almost didn’t recognize you. 

You were still the most beautiful man I’d ever met, that hadn’t changed. But something inside you healed over those few short months. And for the first time, I saw you smile… And it made me want to cry it was such a welcome sight. I asked you if hell had finally frozen over, and we both laughed. 

That weekend changed everything. Well, not JUST that weekend. I gave you a ride, and it was your turn to notice that I was hurting, and I was lonely. Only you didn’t keep your distance. You asked me out to dance… And dear god I almost told you no. I almost decided to stay in feeling sorry for myself… 

But I was lonely… And while I wasn’t really interested in yet another one night stand, I’d been crushing on you since that first day I saw you. 

I didn’t really expect to see you after that night, but I was still lonely… And you actually responded when I’d txt you. So I did. And I slowly got to know you over the next month. I wanted to see you again, and you were up for some fun. It would be nice to have a friend with benefits around till I could sort my life out.

You hit a snag that weekend, so I lent yoy my car for the next few weeks while I was working. We spent the next few weeks together. And I still felt like I’d known you before. 

Some people give off different impressions. Many people I’ve known with depression are like little gray clouds. They might rain, they might just stay dreary. Some are like roiling thunderheads, passionate and deep and desperate… But you were something different. You were like the sun rays breaking through after a storm, taking in that first deep clear breath. Carefully treading on a path of healing. 

I hope I’ve helped you on that path, helped coax a little more sun from those fading clouds. Because I can’t begin to tell you all the ways you’ve helped me. 

I’ve lived more in the moment these last few months than I have my entire life. I’ve learned to appreciate myself and each day regardless of what the storm may bring. Because I’ve seen that the clouds can break, and whether that day be good or bad, there’s a promise of sun. 

At some point we’ve become much deeper of friends. I know we’ll forever be integral parts of each other’s lives and futures. I’m thankful we found each other. And I’m so incredibly excited to see what this year unfolds for us. 

Bring on tomorrow… bring on the sun. 

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Seeing the future

I’m sitting next to Rainbow river in the great smokies right this minute. I’m still in ACE, taking my lunch. It’s August, and the eclipse was yesterday… but I’m writing out blogs for September. 

I shuffle scheduling around when I need to… if something interesting happens. But for the most part, I have prescheduled my blog posts for the last year. It makes my life simpler and hopefully provides you with a modicum of entertainment. 

By the way… I forgot to pack my apple today. 😦

I cannot tell you how my time in ACE was. I am not a fortune teller… allow me to rephrase that for those who know me. I am not a paid fortune teller and my tarot deck is still down I  Florida. 

Speaking of tarot cards… I wish I had the money to buy a deck for someone. What I am thinking though is having Terry mail me my unused deck. They never worked right for me… and I always felt your first deck should be given as a gift.  A friend of mine, one of the few I’ve made since joining ace, is showing interest in the art.  It would be a nice parting gift I feel. 

Maybe I’ll even have him mail up my own. With a little practice, maybe I COULD get paid for out. I always lacked the confidence to read for other people, but I don’t know why. I read for myself well enough. 

You know what they say…

Practice makes better. 

Foggy fall day

Winding down after a couple of weeks of nothing. Getting ready to dive back into the real world. So after class today, Ethan and I went up to the park. I played around with my watercolor pencils while he ran around like a madman. 

It’s fun and relaxing. They’ll never win any awards, but I like painting mountains. 

Denim the fox

I by no means am overly skilled when it comes to hand sewing. So I put off Ethan’s denim upcycling project as long as I could. 

I finally buckled down and drew out a simple pattern, got to cutting and then sewing. The finished product is the derpiest little fox ever, but it’s ready to give to my boy when he gets here. 

The ring

I have had a ring for the better part of a decade. I wore this ring nearly every day, never taking it off. It’s a simple silver celtic knot that’s was supposed to encourage creativity. So of course, I’ve worn this ring day in and day out. It’s absorbed every word and emotion and triumph and rewrite… and now. now it appears to be full. 

Now whether it’s all in my head, or it has actually met it’s quota of emotional energy, but I cannot use it. At the beginning of nanowrimo this year I took off my ring and the thoughts flowed. the moment I put it back on, my brain ceases thoughts. 

I don’t know if I need to replace my ring or if I can cleanse and recharge it. It has been a comfort and my hand feels naked without it. 

New chairs 

Since we moved in with Terry’s grandma, she’s been talking about how she hated her white dining room chairs. They were the basic wooden chairs with padded seats. She wanted them recovered. 

I told her I’d pick out a fabric and get them done. She left the fabric choice to my discretion. 

Well I’ve had the fabric for a couple weeks now, but I finally had the time to get them done. 

So here’s the before shot. See the stains? Kind of obvious why she didn’t like it. 

It was simple enough to find the screws to detached the seat. I precut a bunch of covers. 

Next came playing with the stapler. 

The corners were a pain and they’re not perfect. I’m not professional though. Gis enough for our little house. 

We’re all happy with the finished product.