Into the dark

Let me start by saying that I am not afraid of the dark.

That being said… I have atrocious night vision. Permaybehaps from sun damage after living in Florida for so many years. Maybe I was always this way – I honestly don’t recall. It seems to take forever for my eyes to adjust even to dimness, let alone the pitch of black that comes with the deep woods.

But as it stands… I cannot navigate the dark easily.

But I am not afraid of it.

Many people are… many people should be. There are… things… that reside only in the dark. The shadows are their refuge, and they slither out at night. It is maybe boldness… or faith… that I am sheltered from these things. But they exist, whether you believe in them or not.

I killed the engine of my car. And as the lights died away, so did my ability to see. I could hear the sounds of the night. The rushing of the river nearby, the call of the birds, the song of the occasional cricket.

I could also feel. The chill in the air. The pressure that settled around me. That sense of being watched. That judgement of whether I was a threat, or a meal, or nothing more than a passing being.

There was something in the woods, but the flash of the lightening bugs did not reveal it. The tenuous light clinging to the horizon line from a city miles away did not reveal it. The faint, precious glow of by the stars did not reveal it. Only the inherent instinct that we never quite grew out of as we evolved revealed that something was there.

But I am not afraid of the dark.

Because I know without the dark, we would not appreciate the light.


Summertime Blues

I have a computer again. I mean, this day in age… we almost are never without one considering our phones are as powerful as computers…

But I have a real, honest computer at this point. Which means….

Well it means I’m just going to have to come up with new reasons to procrastinate about writing. HA! As if having a computer in the past has helped me.

Once I get everything updated… I truly do intend to continue writing. There’s something comforting about the feel of your fingertips on a keyboard. It’s been since probably October… I’ve missed it.

I realized something over this last season. I think I knew it before… but it was so blatantly apparent that I could no longer shrug it off.

I didn’t write because I wanted to share my stories… I mean – sure that’s part of it. But I wrote… I would lose myself for hours, days, weeks behind the keyboard… because I wanted to be lost. Because I was running away from the world. Because the land beyond the keys was everything that I wanted it to be, made it to be. I was hiding.

I didn’t have a reason to hide this winter. Sure there were stresses and problems and everyday life… but I was happy. I wanted desperately to enjoy every minute with Murphy and Ethan and Chloe while they were here – and I did. I didn’t miss my time with the keys. There was nothing to run from.

So I need to find a new reason to write when times are good, because otherwise this will never happen.

And for the summer… while I’m isolated… I will try and knock out as much as I can.

But thank you for this winter and spring… thank you for showing me how to appreciate life as it happens. For giving me a reason to stay grounded.

Working in circles

I think all writers can relate to being mind numb. Staring at the screen, hoping and praying for inspiriation or the drive to put thoughts to words. 

I’ve been stuck in writing limbo for a long time now. I know what I need to do… but nothing comes to my fingertips. I can’t buckle down and make myself work on it. This of course isn’t new… and a lot of it I did to myself. It’s still aggrivating though.

My computer recently died on me. The cost to fix it? Well if we could figure out what was actually wrong with it… would probably be more than what the computer is worth. Alas… I haven’t really been using it much to begin with. So I’m working on setting my tablet up to optimize it’s abilities to aid me in writing. 

Now if only I could write…

I have five more chapters in Forgotten Guardian, not to mention the numerous other books that I need to write for the series. I have my local fantasy story I need to work on… But I think that might just be something I retire with one day. In the meantime… well… I’ll get to that. 

You see I had a plan… but I’m a Cancer and I’m changeable… and as always – my plans evolve. I was going to stay here. Keep renting this little place let Ethan go to school, keep working this little dead end job. Terry had pushed things back until June without discussing it with me, so I had pretty much resigned myself to not being able to continue with the work I started. All of it takes me away from Asheville, commuting in a way that isn’t condusive to leaving Ethan alone. 

Murphy was looking for trail jobs. That meant by Spring, he’d be traveling away and I’d be stuck here. Plenty of time to write and tie up loose ends… That way I could maximize what I thought was all the time we had. 

But that wasn’t good enough. I didn’t sacrifice so much this last year to inevitably sit on my ass waiting around for things to get in motion. Waiting for a whole other season to pass me by. So we worked out the details and put a much smarter plan in motion. 

Two years.

Terry signed the contract for two years with a decent pay increase. And I… I’m going to go get some trail work and experience under my belt so what by the time a good local position does become available I would be more qualified for it. 

So I’ve submitted dozens of applications for trail work. I’ve submitted them across the country for the chance at something different. The overall idea… is overwhelming. I wanted to do something with that time away (regardless of where I end up). And I think I have it a pretty solid idea thanks to Bonnie and Murphy. I want to share the magic of the trails with everyone. So for the next year, I will be collecting stories, tips, histories, and everything I can get my hands on and put it in a format that everyone can enjoy.

So no changes just yet. I’ll write when I can. Share when and what I can… and when the time comes, I’ll set everything up.

Impressions to the world

Of everyone we’ll meet in our lifetime, we’ll easily forget seventy-five percent of them. Then there are some we’d like to immortalize.

As a writer, I have the means of doing that. Only I don’t like to try and work that person into the story, but rather my impression of them. I want the world to feel as I did about an individual. 

I’ve had a book to start for a long time. I had a general idea… But no solid plot or characters, save 2. As I was in California, I decided to use some of the people I’ve met since joining ACE for my character constructs. Upon doing this, the story built itself. 

I have a plot, main characters, side arcs… And it all came together in a couple of days. 

That’s not to say I plan on jumping right in to write. I will finish Forgotten Guardian first. I Only have five more chapters, it would be stupid of me to let it fall further to the wayside. 

Books are life

I love to read. I have since I was about eleven. I would burn through 3 or 4 books a month if not more. Getting lost in the world on the page. Falling in love or hating certain characters. 

I haven’t read much these last couple years. I could make excuses, but my heart just hasn’t been in it. 

Well since I haven’t been able to write as much, I’ve picked up books. I’ve read more I  these lat couple of months than I have in the last couple years. Granted, I still have a list as long as I am tall, but it’s a start. 

But it may be about to fade out. I feel I may be getting back to writing mode. Which makes sense. I usually start gearing up for nanowrimo about now. I may have time to finish my draft of fg… And then I’ll start on my pirate story. If I can knock out a good outline, I might be able to compete another year of nanowrimo. 

The ring

I have had a ring for the better part of a decade. I wore this ring nearly every day, never taking it off. It’s a simple silver celtic knot that’s was supposed to encourage creativity. So of course, I’ve worn this ring day in and day out. It’s absorbed every word and emotion and triumph and rewrite… and now. now it appears to be full. 

Now whether it’s all in my head, or it has actually met it’s quota of emotional energy, but I cannot use it. At the beginning of nanowrimo this year I took off my ring and the thoughts flowed. the moment I put it back on, my brain ceases thoughts. 

I don’t know if I need to replace my ring or if I can cleanse and recharge it. It has been a comfort and my hand feels naked without it. 


So… today’s the 1st… of December… When the hell did this happen? Time moves far too quickly, which I suppose should be a blessing considering all of the things I’m looking forward to, but it also means I have to get my rear end in gear.

Though for my month’s hiatus… I did accomplish something.


For those not familiar with NanoWrimo – November is NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth. You take up the challenge to work on a first draft for a novel and churn out at least 50k words.

Granted, I’m no where near complete, and now I’m bouncing around between three different books at the same time, but isn’t that how the creative process works?

There is no time for slacking off. I MAY be able to finish out a draft of all THREE books before I leave so I can put them in Nikki’s hands and say have a blast tearing them apart over the next six months. I’ll handle any revisions upon my return.

Before the holidays, I WILL get over to the parking garage at USF once a week to tackle the stairs for an hour in the evening. AFTER the holidays my goal is three times a week before heading home. Running just doesn’t seem to be helping, besides, let’s face it, I’m not going to be running on the trails during this outing, I’m going to be climbing and working.