Wasted afternoon

Stress is like a living force. It grows and thrives in an all consuming wave, devouring any sort of creative spark that you might have otherwise had. I spent the entire afternoon sitting in mediation. About five years ago I was in an accident. An honest to Hades, unavoidable rear end accident that even the officer took one look at and said this isn’t even worth writing up a report. Exchange insurance and have a nice day. Five years later I’m being sued and my entire afternoon was a total waste of time. Though the attorney that represents my insurance company says there’s nothing to worry about, she can’t see it through my eyes. She doesn’t know how the universe likes to use me as it’s kicking post.

Thoughts keep escaping my head. They’re at the tip of my fingers until I sit – as though the change in elevation or pressure causes them to retreat.

There were two things on the internet today. I could give a frilly f*** about one of them… however Leonard Nimoy will be sorely missed. To the man that taught that logic and rationality can solve any problem – farewell. Your time on this planet was fascinating. May your travels lead you to a wondrous new life.


It’s polite to share.

Things have calmed down a lot in the last couple weeks. Sure random problems arise, but that’s life right? But because of the crazy stress I’d been dealing with; my eye started twitching. It’s happened before, when I used to work at Toys R Us. It was happening so often this time, that it was starting to hurt.

Unfortunately, the things that cause it… Don’t make it easy to deal with. Stress, tiredness, dry eyes, eye strain, caffeine, alcohol, and allergies.

  • So stress, I can’t eliminate (though I wish!)
  • Allergies, they come and go.
  • Tiredness, well if I don’t work on my book till late, it’ll never get done.
  • Eye strain, I’m starting at the computer for HOURS, be happy I remember to wear my glasses in the evening.
  • Alcohol, okay I only drink maybe 2-3 glasses of wine a week, usually less. I suppose I can stop that.
  • Caffeine? I allow myself a single cup of coffee a day. Do I really have to give that up? But since it’s one of only 3 controllable factors, I guess so.
  • Dry eyes, well that’s ready enough I guess, come ‘ere eye drops.

Unfortunately the Keurig machine doesn’t like the decaf coffee I bought. Ugh, what a horrible cup. And I can’t afford to keep buying it from the corner station. So I need to replace my coffee worth another drink. Maybe the apple cider k cup. Lol

I filed my taxes last night. About what I expected. I’m still waiting to hear back from the bank about a car loan. I checked the website last night and it’s still pending. Come on GTE… I need a car and I don’t want to go broke for it.

So I surpassed 130k words last night. I didn’t even realize it. Glanced down and I was already half way to 131. So I reset my goal to 150. Since there’s a lot to take out, it’ll make me half to work harder for it. I also need to read back over what I did last night to make sure I like it.

I haven’t yet posted and clips for you. That just occurred to me. I’ve been so focused on the writing, I forgot about the sharing. Lets fix that. It’s not much – just a snippet.


Aria shook off the dream as she got up. She walked down the hall and knocked lightly on Nathan’s door. There was no answer. She opened it slightly and stuck her head through. He was sprawled out on his stomach, blanket falling off of both him and the bed. He was sleeping nude. Aria didn’t pause as she crossed the room, having showered with the man almost daily in the gym. As she reached the side of the bed, she did take a moment to admire the well-defined muscles running down his back and his exposed buttocks.

She sat down on the side of the bed and rested a hand on his good shoulder. “Good morning,” she called quietly. Nathan only grunted in response. “Good morning sunshine. Time to go shopping,” she tried again in a singsong voice. Nathan took a deep long breath and turned his head to look up at her.

“I don’t wanna go to school mommy…” he muttered, pulling his pillow over his head.

“But you DO want to go back on patrol don’t you?” she tried. There was a moment of silence.

“Yeah,” came muffled from under the pillow.

“Well we’ve got to prove you can do that,” Aria insisted. “Come on, don’t make me drag you out of this bed.” Nathan pushed the pillow up and gave the small woman an intrigued look.

“Good luck with that,” he said before pulling the pillow down again.  Aria got up and walked out of the room, deciding on a new approach. She made two cups of strong coffee, remembering that Nathan liked his sweet, and returned to the room. She could hear him sniffing the air from beneath the pillow.

“How about now?” Aria asked, holding one of the cups out. He looked at her from under the edge of the pillow and smiled. He pushed himself into a sitting position with his good arm and accepted the cup.

“Mmmm… good girl,” he said, taking a deep whiff of the strong brew.

“Come on and get dressed,” she told him as she walked over to his closet.

“What, you don’t think the patrons in the shopping district would appreciate me going out like this?” He asked her, letting the blanket fall the rest of the way to the floor. Aria chuckled and grabbed a pair of pants from a hangar.

“Actually most of them probably would, but you’d be breaching the public indecency laws,” Aria said tossing the pants on the bed next to Nathan. He stood up, placing the coffee on his side table and pulling his pants on while Aria grabbed him a shirt. He gingerly pulled the plain green tee shirt over his head. It didn’t take long for Aria to help Nathan get ready. They were out the door and heading down to the transport deck after fifteen minutes.

Planning for the worst

Do you ever have one of those days where you wish you could go back to bed and start over? That was my last two years… And it appears it might be spreading into this year.

I was really hoping that 2013 might change for me. That I might finally see the light at the end of this long dark tunnel… But i’m still driving blind. I am too damn young to feel this old.

When I get stressed, I take a long deep breath and pull up blackmountainwebcam.com and imagine I’m back home, looking out over the mountains. It helps… So, so much.

I feel like I need to come up with a contingency plan for when the first one falls through. I dont feel I’m a pessimist, more of a realist. I know how things fall apart. I know you plan for the worst. I guess I need to make a couple phone calls. See if in a pinch I could stay with my dad or a friend I have up there. At least knowing I have a back up plan might help put my mind at ease.

And now… something to make everyone else feel as stupid and unimaginative as I just did. Enjoy.